I had major anxiety at Target the other day, for no reason other than that’s what my mind likes to do. Panic.
My service dog, Malibu, was alerting like crazy. People were obsessing over the “cute dog” in public. I was trying to find an empty aisle to get away from reality. (the tupperware aisle in the corner is ALWAYS a safe place, FYI)
Thats when I heard the sound of something breaking nearby. I looked around the corner and a girl about my age was holding a cute little mug that was clearly in two pieces. She was looking around nervously, probably conflicted about what to do next. She put it in her basket as if she was going to keep the broken one, or at least admit to her mistake.
A few minutes later, I had made it to the coffee aisle (where I needed to be in the first place, obviously). I saw the same girl across the aisle, again holding her broken mug. I watched as she carefully put it back on the shelf, amongst all the other similar mugs. Then she walked away. She had successfully hidden her broken pieces with a sense of order and guilt. Nobody had to know what had happened. She could walk out of the store free and with a mug in one piece.
My panicked brain started to solidify into coherence and symbolism, the two most important aspects of my thoughts if you ask me. In every sense, that girl and I had a lot in common – her brokenness was just more literal and tangible.
Here I was, with a dog who wouldn’t take her eyes or her tongue off of me, in the midst of an anxiety attack, seeking solitude and wholeness. I was broken, possibly beyond repair, but hey – we all are. I was hiding my pieces in the tupperware aisle, out of sight and out of mind.
Why is it so natural for us to hide the broken pieces? Why can’t we accept our flaws for what they are – beautiful and unique and vulnerable and real?
I don’t know the answers to those questions.
What I do know is that I’m loved for every part of me, the broken and the whole. No part of me is deserving of hiding. I’m free of all those chains, whether I recognize it and accept it or not. I’ve been made just as I should be by the One who makes no mistakes.
I know that the same is true for you, too.
Trust me, I just know.
Let’s stop hiding.
With all the love,